Enter into the love relationship with your eyes open, not with your eyes closed. Fall in love with the real person inside the skin. All this is a matter of decency, honesty and fairness to yourself, to the other person involved, and to your family and Jewish tradition. It is a pre-condition of authentic and lasting love. If you take the romantic love angle too seriously, you will lose your proper place in the marital relationship and, with it, lose your dignity and your role as master of your destiny.
Friendship Before Marriage
Young men, too, often employ a trickery more harmful and more dangerous than that employed by women. There is no ultimate danger if a girl employs her femininity to charm a young man into turning a fleeting interest into a more serious one. Young men, however, sometimes deceive a young woman into thinking that they are in love, while all they want is a physical relationship. Intimacy without true love, commitment and permanence is a price too high to pay.mail.jeannieralston.com
You're Not Crazy: The Orthodox Dating Process
Why does Jewish Tradition demand that the relationship between men and women before marriage stop at the point of physical contact? Just prior to her marriage ceremony she removes the nidah status, in accordance with Jewish law, by immersing herself in the waters of a mikveh a body of water used only for spiritual sanctification , and may then be approached by her husband.
As a married woman she becomes nidah once again with each onset of a menstrual period, and marital relations must then be suspended until she immerses herself, once more, in a mikveh, at least one week after the completion of each menstrual period. It will be acknowledged, even by those unaware of this law, that the sense of touch in male-female relationships often constitutes a type of borderline where simple association begins to pass from the area of friendship into the area of intimacy.
In any male-female relationship, it is easier to maintain self control up to the point of physical contact because, from the moment of contact on, control becomes much more difficult. A physical relationship is an essential element in the binding together of two people in marriage.
LOVE, DATING, AND ROMANCE
Before marriage, however, physical contact has the effect of forging bonds without sincere commitment. Some people will claim, with reasonable justification, that some of the social practices which Jewish law prohibits, such as hand holding, social dancing, and good-night kissing, are simply matters of form or social grace, which people perform without attaching to them any great significance. It is precisely this point that we are attempting to make. Jewish society cannot tolerate a situation where a young woman, or a young man lets her or himself be used, taken advantage of, or hurt.
Nor can we accept, for all the casualness of society, that kissing, or any form of expressing affection, can ever be regarded lightheartedly or as a game or social grace. Most people who have dated know that even a casual good-night kiss is just a beginning. The nature of kissing and touching is such that it calls for more and more. If dating is limited to conversation, then each successive date can bring new and more stimulating conversation, and a greater interplay of personality.
But if dating implies even the most casual physical contact, it is natural that on each date you will want to have more; each partner will feel impelled to give a little more, to let down a few more barriers, until there is little left to surrender. The result is a transaction in which the young woman is selling herself cheaply, and all too often, suffers a loss of self-respect, self-worth, self-esteem, and in many instances the breaking of the relationship.
In order to master the fire of attraction rather than be consumed by it, Judaism teaches the virtue and value of tsnius or modesty. The body should always be properly and tastefully covered, in order to preserve a sense of dignity, worth and self-respect, rather than openly flaunted and thus debased.
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To the Jew, tsnius is a major element of true beauty. Description Title The culture of dating and single life in the modern Orthodox Jewish community. Name Penkower, Ariel Y. Other Date degree. Extent v, p. Description The search for a spouse can be a difficult process for many men and women.
In recent years, it has been observed that a growing number of individuals in the Modern Orthodox Jewish community attempt to find spouses but are unsuccessful. Singles utilize a range of support systems, including social events, online dating resources, traditional matchmakers shadchanim and choosing to reside in singles communities.
Nevertheless, the population of unmarried adults in this community is ever-growing, and demands to be better understood.
In light of religious expectations to marry at a young age, unmarried individuals in the community are frequently viewed implicitly—and all too often explicitly—as second-class citizens. The present study seeks to further understand this situation in a systematic way via in-depth interviews with two unmarried men and three unmarried women from the Modern Orthodox community. The interviews were analyzed separately as case studies and also compared and contrasted based on four major, common topic domains.
Significant diversity was found in the sample, although common themes also emerged. Singles communities were seen as beneficial, but somehow artificial as well. Singles felt they were viewed as inferior by the larger community and were often troubled by loneliness and isolation.
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- The culture of dating and single life in the modern Orthodox Jewish community.
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