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- It IS you - why the longer it takes someone to reply to a text, the less they like you
- Online Dating: How Long to Wait Before You Respond?
She hasn't written back. That might be because she has a ton of messages, she's on a great date, or because she'll write back tomorrow.
Yes, it could also be because she thinks you're desperate, but maybe The One will be charmed with your instant attention. I usually read messages right away. I usually don't respond until after I've thought about it a little, and that bit of procrastination means sometimes it might take a couple days for me to get around to it.
The timing of my response isn't really related to the timing of the other person's caveat: I try to respond to every message I get, and I have the impression that is not the norm. Don't stress out too much about it. Also, what Lyn Never said. If someone writes to me and is interesting, I usually take about a day to respond.
I will look at the person's profile and then think of a thoughtful reply, especially in the first message. I will generally decrease the time between messages as time goes on. If I write someone first, I usually take things at the responder's pace. If it took 2 days for the guy to respond to me, I will wait at least a day to write to him. I don't want to overwhelm people. I sometimes feel overwhelmed when people respond too quickly.
It's a tricky situation and I don't know all the correct answers. I had even toyed with the idea of asking a similar question to yours to get a general consensus of whether I'm following online dating etiquette. Also, I've had women on okcupid reply back to me months after my last message. Don't sweat it, there are more of them out there. You're overthinking the problem. She'll reply sometime later if she wants to, and she already responded to you once so clearly she's not completely uninterested. Perhaps she saw the new message notification, went to read it, and is planning to reply later?
That's pretty common I would imagine. Treat it like you would any other type of communication. Replying 30 seconds later looks desperate, but anywhere in the later that day to the few days later range is just fine until you know each better. I get email notice that I have new okc messages and will sometimes use the mobile site to read a new message. OKC shows that I've logged on, but I never write responses from my phone - that happens on the weekend when I can log into my home computer. But I want to check the inbox in case a date cancelled, etc. Please don't write a response to a message you haven't seen yet.
Otherwise, everything you're saying sounds good. Hopefully you feel better now you've got a load of near-instant askme responses. But I wouldn't worry about this one message. Because, you know, it's You happened to be by the computer, so you responded promptly. It would be silly to hold this against you. If I had to make up a rule, I'd say: As a disclaimer, this is just my speculation based on my experience as a straight man who uses OKCupid.
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Not being a woman, I obviously could be wrong about how women perceive these things. Straight women generally have more luxury than straight men to filter people out based on trivial factors, so, as you know, one can't assume that straight-male thinking is the same as straight-female thinking when it comes to online dating. But really, I just respond when I get a chance. I assume people realize that there are random fluctuations with this kind of thing. As long as I respond within 24 hours, I don't worry about it. If I find myself taking days to respond to someone's message, I take it as a sign that I'm not actually that interested.
C As long as you feel like it. Look, you don't want to send off a bad email because you wrote it quickly and sent it without thinking. But waiting extra time just to not seem too eager or available or whatever is absurd. No one who's interested in you is going to stop and say "crap, morganw is interested in me and wrote back too soon, fuck that guy," and certainly no one you want to date is going to have that reaction. I really don't think that appropriate response time is tied to gender so much as it's tied to personality.
So framing this as "will women think this" or "men think that" is misleading. Some people like to reply to things right away, as soon as they see them. They are not the type to overthink and ponder perfect messages. They're likely to be the type to agree to meeting up as soon as possible, perhaps even that same day. There's likely a variable of interest that factors in too--if they like your profile, they'll be more likely to respond quickly.
This is the kind of dater I am when I'm on OkCupid. Some people don't like to appear too eager and prefer to take time to compose a thoughtful message that digs deeper in to someone's psyche. These are the people who are likely to have more extensive contact before meeting someone and will plan things out far in advance. If someone appeals to them, they may spend even more time planning out their response. Obviously, there are types in between these two ends of the spectrum. And when people match in their styles, communication is easy and trying to mindread the other person is minimized.
When there's a mismatch, there can be a lot of confusion and angst on both ends. In the end, do what you're comfortable doing. If the other person responds well to it, great! If not, then who knows, it might be an indicator that there were fundamental differences in communication there to begin with, and you just saved yourself the time and trouble of finding that out some other way.
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If you did this 4 times in a row, I might think it was a little eager. I just figured you happened to be online when you get the message. Don't over think it. I know we all do it, but I constantly forget to respond for several days or just can't think of anything clever to say or am too tired to write any kind of vaguely interesting reply. It doesn't mean I'm not interested. Some people log into dating website once a week or less. Especially on a free site like OKcupid where you have nothing to lose by being a very casual user.
If you had waited longer and she hadn't responded by now, you'd be asking us if you waited too long. There's no way to know what she's thinking. Writing back within the hour is not gross. Formulating a well-thought-out response is not gross. Someone wandering away after just one interaction for whatever reason is unfortunately normal, online and in real life. One more piece of advice: This has the potential to distort your frame of mind. You do not want to lapse into thinking, "So!
She has the time to log on to OKCupid to check out other guys, but apparently she can't be bothered to Don't you have some websites bookmarked that you check so often it's reflexive? At any given moment when I'm online, I'm likely to head to nytimes. You see, if the girl lives close to you, perhaps around one hour away, you will usually be able to propose a date after you've sent five to ten messages back and forth over the course of one to two weeks.
You can't just suggest a date in the first message; the girl has to feel like she knows you well enough to meet you, and both the number of messages and the time that's passed since you first started your conversation will help give her that feeling. This is why you shouldn't instantly respond when she replies to your message; if you do, you may end up having to exchange a higher number of messages before she's ready to meet you.
It IS you - why the longer it takes someone to reply to a text, the less they like you
After five messages back and forth on the first night she will feel like she knows you less than she would if you had portioned those five messages out over the course of a week. But even though time and the number of messages you've exchanged are important factors in building the trust the girl needs to meet you, you still shouldn't wait too long. As the weeks pass, your online relationship runs the risk of becoming stale and awkward; the excitement disappears, and you window of opportunity closes.
Most guys have experienced something like this; you met a girl at a party and added her on Facebook, or you started saying hello to a girl at school, but time passed, nothing more happened and things became weird. The same phenomenon occurs on dating sites.
Online Dating: How Long to Wait Before You Respond?
Don't reply more than once to each girl each time you check in, even if she responds instantly; leave it for your next session in other words, the next day. Your daily routine should also contain some other tasks. For instance, many sites will let you access a list of new members; be sure to go through it every time you log on, contacting girls you find attractive. A lot of them are just popping in without a subscription to see what the site is like, deleting their profiles a few days later; if you're quick, you can catch them before they do. Every once in a while, you should also go through your inbox, looking for conversations that started in a promising way but ended abruptly because the girl didn't reply to your last message; she may just have forgotten to do so, and a lot of times you'll be able to bring her back by reminding her.
If she doesn't respond, though, you should move on. In conclusion, understanding how long to wait before you respond isn't that complicated.