- A 24 year old dating a 17 year old?
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- 24 year old man dating 17 year old young woman.?
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- 24 year old man dating 17 year old young woman.? | Yahoo Answers
That's not to say that you shouldn't already disapprove - while I personally wouldn't start feeling disapproval just from what you've described, your feelings are very understandable - but regardless of how you might initially feel, you can always tell her you disapprove a little later, once you've gotten as much of her perspective as she's willing to share. But at first, it's better if you can be simply inquisitive: You don't want her to feel like you've already made up your mind before you've had a chance to thoroughly discuss it, right?
I think sometimes people just disengage and become resistant to anything we say if they feel we're already against what they're doing, which reduces our ability to actually help them significantly. Approaching with an inquisitive attitude helps everyone involved: If you ultimately decide you disapprove or that there are real concerns, you'll be able to present your position much more thoroughly, pointing to the concerning details from what she herself has told you.
In the process of asking her these questions, she might even start thinking about issues she might have overlooked herself. And maybe in the process, you'll learn something about why they're drawn to each other and how they both think and feel that makes you feel more comfortable with the whole thing. Personally, I'd just start with something like "hey, I was just wondering, could you tell me more about how this relationship started and what made you like him? Unfortunately, it can be hard to find a way to word things without causing misinterpretations.
For example, at least where I'm from, a curt and direct "So what do you see in him" can give a very negative, even judgmental impression, even though taken literally it's almost the same question. So maybe soften it with clarification, like "don't take this the wrong way, I'm just asking so that I understand what you're thinking and feeling, because I've decided that since this relationship seems to be important to you, I want to fully understand where that's coming from".
I think this a good starting point - it immediately gets at the root of investigating how much your concerns apply to this specific case, helps lead your daughter to spotting any problems that might be looming in this relationship without just making her feel like she's being told "no", builds mutual understanding and a possibility of openly discussing relationships, including the tough parts, between you and your daughter, and has the opportunity to show her by example what kind of questions to ask when figuring out if a person is right for her in a relationship.
Best case scenario, she and her romantic interest will positively surprise you with mature and well-considered perspectives on why they're right for each other. But if not, I think the above will put both you and your daughter in a better position to navigate any troubles that might come up, together. Children with older brothers or sisters are usually much more sensible and grown up than those without, and the same goes for girls who date older men. It's probably just a sign that she is highly intelligent and mature for her age anyway.
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Women mature much quicker than men and by dating up in this way they continue to surround themselves with much more mature and sensible people. It totally depends on the character of this person - which by the sounds of it is good - but he may be a really good influence on her. Far better than dating a guy her own age. Do you remember what you were like at 17? Weren't boys at that age more likely to be 'only after one thing? Teenage boys have literally nothing of value to offer anyone.
Also anything you do say or do will only make the situation bad between you and her. If he actually mistreats her or starts seeming like a bad influence then sure jump in there and say something, but otherwise you are probably worrying needlessly and causing undue drama. Whilst the people I go on dates with are somewhere between I use an app that allows you to configure this and I'd be very cautious at dating anybody younger, I wouldn't necessarily draw the line at dating a year-old if they seemed mature and that's something exists almost entirely independently of age.
Invite him for dinner and family days out. In this way, you'll be able to keep a weather eye on things. With regards to her education and career, you really only can do what any normal parent would do with a year-old, that is, encourage them in the right direction. Travelling is something she will or won't do of her own accord and isn't a pre-requisite to successful grown-upping. Regarding pregnancy however, you ought to encourage her use of contraception. The kind would be some sort of implant that require her to make a conscious decision to discontinue use.
One thing which no other post has covered, and which you probably don't want to hear, but is the plain and brutal truth Younger people are still learning and experimenting with what they can do, and they naturally want to do as much of it as they can, and have it be as enjoyable as possible.
As a rational person, it would make complete sense for her to get her experiences of what it should be like with someone who is actually competent. Most guys her own age are not going to be highly competent, so it makes sense for her not to play with them.
The truth may simply be that she has no interest in a long-term romantic relationship with him, and they are purely enjoying having sex with each other. You might not like to hear this about your year-old daughter, but you do need to face that she has sexual needs and as an adult is fully entitled to do absolutely anything she likes with absolutely anyone she chooses. This means that you leave everything regarding feelings, broken hearts, morality and so on to her to decide or experience on her own.
That's her obligation and lawful right. She's of age, which goes both ways. What to do about this? You should try to stay close to both of them or at least her so she has you as a confidante, a trustworthy person - i. You cannot expect to be successful in digging around behind her back anyways. So, support her, make sure she knows that you are there for her, be truly happy that she found someone etc. You can try to pull the guy into the family; i.
Make those relaxed events, not "tests". If and when you see signs of danger; then you act, with decisiveness. By supporting her, confronting the boy, and so on. Aside from that, you have precious little leverage, and being negative about it upfront will likely spoil whatever "power" you have in the situation. I heard stories from my parents: But he would stay on with her parents, playing cards sometimes late into the night.
So, her parents my maternal grandparents got to know Dad as a friend and potential son-in-law, through their own play-dates, not just from whole-family gatherings. But things were different then — she was trained by her mother to be a housewife and was not expected to go to school past 12th grade. Her own mother only went to school through 8th grade, which was normal for girls at that time. So, it seems to me that the issue isn't the difference in their ages, so much as that she's too young in this time to have a serious relationship that could be potentially long term.
A younger man would realize that they both have further life changes, but he might already be on a career track. But that depends on the career: So maybe they are closer together in terms of life stages, than implied in the post. So I repeat my conclusion above: It is perfectly reasonable for you to be feeling anxious about the well being of your daughter. Age differences aside, she is moving into a life of her own. Training wheels are off and she is going out into the world. There's always something you could find to be worried about as a parent.
If it's not age difference in the guy she's dating, it could be something else. I'm concerned that she'll get hurt, pregnant or that even if they are truly in love that she'll end up growing up too quickly and miss out on what girls her age do, university, traveling building a career.http://videob.forensicstournament.net/map27.php
A 24 year old dating a 17 year old?
The risk of being hurt in a relationship is universal. I don't think that is any more or less likely due to a mildly larger age gap than might be expected of a young woman. There are certainly couples with a larger age gap who are happy. There's really no guarantee and she just has to live through her own relationship experience. As far as getting pregnant, throughout human history, nay mammalian history, females have served an integral role as mothers. It's a relatively recent and perhaps even baseless assumption that she will be happier pursuing university studies and a career.
What is there to worry about her missing out on or that she will grow up to quickly if she finds a fulfilling life as a mother, just as many women have throughout history? Yes, even those mothers who are young by modern expectations can have a very fulfilling life. But all of the studies showing stay at home moms are happier and all of the examples of childless women who pursued their careers and ended up with regrets really don't mean anything when it comes to what will be the best life for your daughter.
She may find that she wants to pursue that university and career path after all. Either way, if you are going to adopt the modern outlook on such things, you are going to have to accept that it's entirely up to her to choose her own path in life. I know the real concern.
Get to know him as a friend
You don't want to end up taking care of another newborn! Well, provided her partner has his life together, you could be a proud grandfather. Hopefully they are responsible enough to plan such a thing without any surprises. But if she gets pregnant and it doesn't work out, he's in a far worse situation than she.
It's in his best interest to not get her pregnant because these days a man can lose all of his parenting rights and every penny he makes in such a situation. It's certainly cause for hesitation. Maybe it would put you at ease to remind him that family courts most certainly will not be on his side and gauge how sensible he is when it comes to responsibly having premarital sex with your daughter.
He does seem a very sensible person, he owns his own successful business although still living with parents. It sounds like they have something in common. Hey he could be a lot more mature and experienced than the guys her age. It could very well be much worse. Unless there's some specific cause for alarm, I can't see anything to worry about here any more than if she were dating a guy who is I got together with my current girlfriend when she was 16 and I was Not AS big a difference, but a significant enough of one to be a concern for myself as well as it took a long time for me to be truly sure her parents approved.
It was rather awkward for me to ask about it, as you'll understand, but it would have saved us all quite a bit of a headache if we had opened this conversation from either side. The core reason I didn't go around my girlfriend to ask her parents this was mostly out of respect for her autonomy. She was "old for her age", and in the end it turned out her parents had never expected differently from her.
Reading some of the other answers, I think everyone is pushing too much advice onto you and as a parent you already know much of what they are saying. Become closer to her boyfriend and carefully insert yourself into his life. Have a conversation with your daughter about her excitement and experience instead of voicing your concerns. Make it about sharing what she is going through and what her fears are.
Reassure her that love is not something to be afraid of. Tell her to embrace the intensity of her emotions so she can always remember these feelings. Begin placing responsibility onto your daughter that keeps her involved in her own family's life. For example you can decide that Sundays she must help you to cook so that you can pass on your tricks to her. Go with her to do STI screenings and teach her that one must always keep getting checked regardless of monogamy and commitment.
It's just good habit. You already sound like a great parent so just continue being that. My first love was 14 years older than me and I can tell you that your concerns are justified. If he begins to mistreat her or you see any signs of emotional abuse then you can put your foot down in a loving and parental way.
Her boyfriend and his family should be well aware of this fact. Things are above-board and within bounds, it seems. If you trust your daughters judgement and maturity then you can ration your concerns or reserve them for indications of the pace of progress in the relationship. Relative age difference will diminish quickly over time. I don't have much else to add but I would bring you to note that age is not just a chronological number. There is biological age and your mental and emotional age to consider.
24 year old man dating 17 year old young woman.?
The specific circumstances in your daughter's instance might not be out of order. Your daughter is in a high risk, but also high reward situation. You can't and shouldn't prevent the relationship, but you should set some ground rules to minimize the risks, and maximize the rewards.
I am reminded of an old American story of a year old girl who chased and won a year old military officer, who later became a General, William Westmoreland. At an early age, she had latched on to a "winner," and her life was made. I see a possibility of that happening here. It's comforting to know that the young man "seems a very sensible person, and owns his own successful business. If he is also "honourable," and this is the key, he will protect your daughter.
If this is the case, "the game is worth the candle.
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The main thing is to set some standards. First, that "protection" is used for all physical activities. Second, that she keeps track of where the relationship is at all times. Third, that she comes to you for help and guidance if she ever feels that she's in over her head. Adolescent girls are more mature than guys by several years , in the late teens and early 20s. So the eight year difference in ages may be more like four or five in maturity. It could be that two people who are both unusually mature for their ages "found" each other at a young age. If that's the case, they will be more compatible over the long term than either with other, more "random," people closer to their own age.
It's also possible that one or both of them senses this. As parents, I wouldn't stand in their way, but I would "stand by" for possible trouble. Thank you for your interest in this question. Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site the association bonus does not count. Would you like to answer one of these unanswered questions instead?
Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. How to respond to 17 year old daughter going out with a 25 year old man? Tom Au 1 7. Please use comments for clarification, not tangential observations or answers -- use Parenting Chat if you want to discuss! Sorry, I don't understand your point, "I can only think he's with her for one reason!
If you're not a native English speaker, that phrase "for one reason! Fattie, I am not a native speaker, but isn't that contradictory to OP: It contradicts the premise. Based on the logic, it shows that "Reductio ad absurdum. You have knowledge of the guys work and living situation. They presumably live close You have another set of parents you can communicate with. You KNOW about the situation. It's not a secret. These are good things. You sound like a great parent and I wish the very best to you and your daughter. My year is the first year to be required to stay in full time education until the academic year in which we turn The child in question is either my year or the year below.
I'm not saying this is a bad answer, but it is quite anecdotal. Fattie Age difference matters less once your older, but as a teenager the gap is much more pronounced and thus concerning. Fattie respectfully, that sounds like a complete assumption on your part. Why not do both? Peter Peter 2, 6 Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation is not constructive and has been moved to chat.
Several answers already, but I want to address a couple of your concerns. That was 20 years ago, so I can tell you how it turned out. We are happier than ever.
We have 7 amazing kids, ages 18 to 2. Our oldest is already succeding at university. Martin Argerami Martin Argerami 5 I'm currently talking to a 17 year old girl a lot. I'm really interested in her and really want to make a move and ask her on a date. Something keeps on holding me back.
We seem to flirt a lot making fun of each other and calling and texting each other a lot talking about life. I really enjoy talking to her. She's loads of fun and she's also really mature for her age too.
24 year old man dating 17 year old young woman.? | Yahoo Answers
I don't want to be seen as a perv who's lusting over teenagers. Call me silly, but I'm gonna be 25 soon so that will mean she's 8 years younger than me. I really like her though. Is 17 when your 25 too young? Is the fact that I find her a mix of smart, funny, cute and sexually attractive wrong? I mean she's still in sixth form. I'm nearly leaving university. I've been in this situation before, but me being the girl. I started talking to this person online and we swapped numbers.
I was 15, coming 16 and he was We got quite close, and talked about being in a relationship but long story short we stopped talking, which I regret now but my phone broke so i've lost contact with him. We never met, but talked about it, but I'm a shy person so didn't really initiate it. Anyway, as you said she's mature, just like I was, so really it's up 2 both of you, plus she's over 16 so you wouldn't be in trouble or anything. Just talk about it and take it slow. I'd say go for it. It's what you make of it.
I wish you all the best. Vikki Follow followers 15 badges Send a private message to Vikki Follow 3 There's a 10 year age gap between my boyfriend and me. She's over the age of 16, if you really like her then why care what anyone else thinks? If you don't go for it, you could be throwing away something pretty amazing. I've been with my partner for 2 years now. Vixen47 Follow 78 followers 18 badges Send a private message to Vixen Follow 4 If you really like her then don't worry so much.
For all you know, she could be thinking the same thing. If it helps there's a 13 year age gap between my best friend's mum and her dad. Her mum is or was? Follow 5 It shouldn't make any difference at all.
I'm in an 10 year age gap relationship and have been for 7 years now. It has, honestly, been the best thing to happen in my life. It has never been an issue, and in fact, for me was an advantage in a lot of ways. Be prepared for some mick-taking. But, I've found it's mostly not malicious friends usually tease about their friends' choice of partners-- heck I teased a mate for seeing a guy called Randalf.
But, if it is, tell them where to stick it. You are both adults and can do whatever and whomever you like. Follow 6 My mum and dad were this exact age when they met each other. Follow 7 I was born in December my husband was born in November we've been together since July got married April we're still together, and pretty happy right at the moment.
You do the maths. Chumbaniya Follow 2 followers 16 badges Send a private message to Chumbaniya. Follow 8 Original post by Anonymous I don't want to be seen as a perv who's lusting over teenagers. Follow 9 She's over 16 therefore I don't see a problem. I know people who have had big age gaps and they have been perfectly happy together! I don't see why you guys couldn't work! I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 8 years older than I am. I don't think it matters if you like each other and you have things in common. Follow 11 I don't see the problem with it. Though most people that age are so incredibly annoying and immature there are exceptions so meh.
Davexr2 Follow 0 followers 0 badges Send a private message to Davexr2.