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Then he asked if he could suck on her toes. She kicked at him and left. She stopped answering him. However one extremely rude first date left her reeling and wondering what went wrong. She met a guy at a bar for their first date. That kind of ego-crushing, jaw-dropping douchery is what many people fear when online dating. One of my guy friends actually got stood up after driving 40 minutes to meet a girl who just never texted him back. Maybe she was kidnapped on her way to the restaurant. Or maybe she took one look at him and left. Either way, it sucks. She started off the date by having an hour-long phone call and screaming about her baby daddy.
Hard to imagine, but it got worse from there. He assumed she meant she wanted to smoke pot and told her to go right ahead. She dove into the backseat. This crazy date is an extreme example of why driving with someone on a first date is a horrible idea. One of my friends had her first Tinder date at an outdoor movie in the park. She packed a little picnic of wine and Cheez-Its to make it extra cute, but her date was totally undeserving of the effort.
He chugged the wine immediately and made fun of her for liking Cheez-Its while eating them by the handful. Then he asked her to drive him to his car after the movie. He pointed 10 feet away. She took her jacket back, dodged his goodbye kiss, and left him alone with the empty box of Cheez-Its. A decision she definitely regretted as soon as she stepped inside. I liked weird fantasy books. Things were going well. At the end of the date, she leaned in toward me and we kissed. It was one of those beautiful, floating-on-a-cloud type of kisses. I think she meant it to be a playful, innocent sort of bite.
Instead, she took a chomp out of me. I felt like she was trying to bite my lip off. Needless to say, I shouted in pain. My lip was suddenly bleeding heavily. I pulled away quickly, but not before some of the blood from my lip got into her mouth. She instinctively spat the blood back out on me. It landed on my face and shirt.
A little landed in my eye, stinging. Not exactly what I needed to hear as I desperately cratered my bleeding lip. I grabbed a bunch of napkins and stuffed them in my mouth. When I looked back up, she was gone. We met on a Tuesday night. Stayed up all night drinking and talking. I sobered up a bit, we went to his bed, he fell asleep mid-BJ and I went to sleep for about 45 minutes. Then, I got up, went to work with my first hangover, had an awful day at work because of said hangover, then went back to his place that night.
He had made me a key to his place.
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After I had met him once. The rest of the evening though, he kept telling me that he loved me , my body was his to do with as I pleased for as long as I wanted him, that I was his Mama Bear , etc. I figured I could deal with it for the night and break the news to him the next day, so we went to bed.
First of all, let me now and forever swear to you that this entire story is true , beginning to end. Tina Fey could not even create this as fiction.
Tips to Avoid These Situations (#8-11)
I found him physically kind of gross ponytail, tobacco-blackened gums , but that was the least of his problems. We sat at the the bar and I attempted to make the usual conversation: Eventually we moved to a table to have dinner. I like to put on a clown suit, drop acid, and drive to the mall to dance with the little children. He kept talking so long that when he actually asked me a question, I remember I was literally startled.
17 People Share Online Dating Horror Stories
I, um, I guess I shoplifted when I was thirteen. Oh, so the question was just to get back to his story. I once burned down a building for money. It was nice to meet you. Met a guy on the bus on the way home from school one night. And he seemed like a nice guy. We text a few times over the next week. He shows up at my door one night. Fine, I was just watching reruns of South Park in my jammies anyway.
We go upstairs, start to get a little freaky. He takes his pants off and I start blowing him. Two minutes later, he does.
I run to the bathroom, wash my mouth out, gargle with chlorhexidine and take an antihistamine. Then he sees me walking home from the bus one night and calls to me from his garden.
I go in and say hi, give him a hug. I guess he thinks all mothers are scary? I sort of look him up and down. Nothing like that has ever happened before. I go to kiss him, and he jumps back in horror. He touches me, hesitantly, with one finger, on the outside. I try to tell him what I like, but he pulls my head into his lap. Brain remembers what happened last time, but stupid libido is making excuses. This time the reaction is worse some allergies get worse with repeated exposure and instantaneous.
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My airway almost totally closes up within seconds, and I scrabble in my nightstand drawer for an Epi-pen. We decided to meet up about half way between both our hometowns. We basically sit in the car for two hours insulting one another. She calls me short, I call her flat chested.
Afterward, we say our goodbyes and I head back home. We chat via text for about a week after that, but soon realize that even though the sex was good, we were not compatible as friends. Never heard from her again. Girl and I had been texting, talking on the phone, even Skyped once it was dark and hard to see. She actually had a great personality and we hit it off. Her profile pictures were of a gorgeous girl, always posing seductively. She told me to meet her at her hotel room at the Adolphus in Dallas, TX very nice, very expensive.
When she opened the door, I was speechless, this was NOT the girl in the pictures at all. It looked like she had eaten the girl in the picture! How could someone lie to me like that? I start talking to this girl who is cute and can keep a conversation flowing. We agree to meet up for a trivia night at a local restaurant. I show up about 15 minutes early and sit at the bar to drink before she arrives.
When she arrives, she shows up with her best friend, which is no big deal to me. The weird thing is the girl I am there to meet shows up in a mini skirt and has a prosthetic leg! Not one of the ones shaped like a leg, a metal pole! I play it cool, I think, and am open-minded so I stick around. Turns out she is a HUGE alcoholic which is how she lost her leg and she is pretty much drinking 3 mixed drinks to my one beer. Her friend that showed up with her also happens to have a date showing up.
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The girls end up ignoring us guys and they are having their own conversations, so me and other dude end up talking sports stuff and end up getting along pretty good. We all end up going to a dive bar down the street after dinner for more drinks because its 2 for 1 night. Night ends there, and I agree to give this girl one more date on the off chance that it was just a bad night for the girl and she was nervous or whatever.
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Second date was even worse than the first date. She gets wasted and keeps accusing me of looking at other women and is hitting on other people while we are out. I leave and never contact her again. Get my dick sucked both times. She shows up at my apartment on Valentines Day, screaming, crying, and with a present. My roommate takes the present while I hide.