In recovery dating

Contents:


  1. 6 Tips for Dating in Recovery
  2. Tips for Dating Someone in Recovery - Twin Lakes Recovery Center
  3. Why Is It Best to Wait to Date?
  4. The Loneliness of Sobriety

But why is this so? Well, the answer is simple: Society tells us that addiction is bad. And unfortunately, people often equate recovery with addiction, even though the two are polar opposites!

Dating while in recovery

However, if your new date reveals he or she is a former addict, then it's important you don't make too much of an issue out of that fact. And it's essential that you do not dismiss their prior addiction as some kind of character flaw. Simply put, being a past addict should not equal doom for future relationships. It's likely he or she used to live a very different lifestyle to his or her current one. In fact, we recommend you positively embrace your date's recovery.

And let's not forget that recovered addicts are often extremely healthy individuals. Many recovered addicts have spent countless hours educating themselves about nutrition, healthy eating, relationships, self-awareness and exercise. And this usually translates into a healthy and more active lifestyle the rest of us could only dream about!


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Determine how long your new date has been in recovery. As a general rule, the longer your date has been in recovery the better. If your date has been in recovery for less than 12 months, know there is a greater risk of his or her relapse.

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6 Tips for Dating in Recovery

Relapse is when a recovered addict returns to old addictive ways. And it really does go without saying that a relapse could result in an early termination of your hard-earned relationship. In fact, some experts even advise that you should not start a relationship with somebody who has been in recovery for less than 12 months.

Although I would not go this far, I would urge you to at least be aware that being in recovery for less than a year carries a substantially higher risk of relapse when compared to dating somebody with more than a year's worth of recovery experience. Recovered addicts are encouraged to actively work on their recovery.

Tips for Dating Someone in Recovery - Twin Lakes Recovery Center

For this reason, there are many support groups located in most towns and cities catering for this need. Being in recovery is more of a verb than a noun. This means the recovered addict should engage in an active program of recovery. This typically involves attending support groups, partaking in hobbies that keep them occupied, volunteering and practicing self-help.

Living in recovery definitely should not be about reluctantly avoiding alcohol and drugs. I thus advise you to subtly learn what steps your date is doing to stay in recovery. It is unlikely your new date will reveal his or her continued attendance to you, so go ahead and ask your date whether he or she still attends these support groups. This shows you are open-minded and willing to learn about what life is like in recovery.

If your date confirms he or she does attend a support group, offer your support by offering to attend, too. If your date is an ex-alcoholic, then it goes without saying that you should really consider avoiding alcohol when out on a date. To do otherwise would be extremely insensitive to your date's position regarding alcohol.

If you wish to develop a more serious relationship with your date, then we would recommend you consider giving up alcohol yourself. And by doing so, you'll also improve your own health! If your relationship becomes more than just dating, you may also need to avoid certain social events where alcohol is readily available.

This includes birthdays, weddings, most parties and even funerals. Don't write your date off as damaged goods. Many prior addicts now living in recovery will come to a new relationship with baggage. This is because recovered addicts often come from abusive and unhappy families. The recovered addict may have experienced emotional and physical abuse at the hands of a parent, step-parent or sibling.


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This baggage often means recovered addicts struggle to develop trust in new relationships. But know that past dysfunctional relationships absolutely does not naturally lead to future dysfunctional relationships. Unfortunately, many recovered addicts do not see this fallacy and instead continue to seek out unhealthy relationships even when their sobriety is firmly established. When you start dating a recovered addict, it's important for you to understand their past and to help them realize that you are different from people they've interacted with in the past.

As it turns out , the neuropathways associated with attraction are basically the same neuropathways that are activated in addictive behaviors, so there might be some relevance to this proposition. A breakup of a romantic relationship is a difficult time for anyone, and an individual who has a past history of substance abuse and is in the early stages of recovery is at a significant risk to relapse as a result of the stress and emotional discomfort associated with the breakup.

According to Easy Does It: Dating Guide for People in Recovery , there are some other reasons why an individual in recovery should wait at least one year before dating.

Why Is It Best to Wait to Date?

Thus, the first line of advice to individuals in recovery regarding dating is to wait at least one year before beginning to date. This does not mean that one should not socialize with others, but dating with the intent of developing some type of long-term romantic relationship is often discouraged in the first year of recovery. Despite numerous cautions, there will always be some individuals who will find that they crave intimacy and romance in the early stages of recovery.

These individuals are advised to tread lightly. According to Loving Someone in Recovery: In addition, the book recommends that individuals in recovery who date should also ensure that they are:. For individuals in the early stages of recovery, the general rule is to wait a year before attempting to develop a serious romantic relationship with anyone. Being in the early stages of recovery represents a very tenuous period in life, and the potential to make poor decisions is increased.

It is certainly advisable to make friends, but most people should not attempt to develop close romantic relationships until they have actually have maintained their recovery program for a sufficient length of time. The one-year rule is not a hard and fast rule, such that an individual should wait exactly days; instead, one should not attempt to establish any serious romantic relationships for about the first year of their recovery program.

Some individuals will ignore this advice and attempt to develop long-term romantic relationships. These individuals should tread lightly and rely on the advice of others in recovery, particularly their sponsor in social support groups, therapist, and close friends and family members. These individuals should also plan ahead and define the boundaries of their new relationship in order to promote a healthy recovery program.

Individuals who have more than a year of successful recovery should define exactly what they expect to get out of a romantic relationship, specify how their new relationship will interact with their activity in the recovery program, and ensure that their recovery program is their main focus. Has addiction stolen your loved one? Take action and call or fill out this form to speak with a Treatment Consultant.

The Loneliness of Sobriety

Whats the Deal with Dating in Recovery? Individuals in recovery may wind up sharing too much or too little about themselves with their potential romantic partners. In either scenario, this can lead to resentment or very complicated issues that can result in significant stress. Individuals in the early stages are extremely vulnerable and may develop unhealthy attachments to prospective new romantic partners. Of course, many dating activities revolve around environments where alcohol is used freely.

This can be an unhealthy temptation. Starting a new romantic relationship involves a close interaction with an unfamiliar individual. An individual who is in early recovery can easily be taken advantage of by manipulative people. If You Still Decide to Date Despite numerous cautions, there will always be some individuals who will find that they crave intimacy and romance in the early stages of recovery.