- My dad had an affair with a girl my age. : Advice
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- Why does my dad date younger women? It's annoying me?
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My advice to you would be to take some time. It may last for a day, a month, or a year, but eventually it will subside. You mean to tell me you've never let your parents down? I highly doubt you haven't. Believe it or not, this is the same thing. You're dad fucked up, and now has to live with that. He didn't think about you because he wasn't thinking about you. You mean to tell me that if a super hot guy your dad's age wants to sleep with you and you want it too, your gonna think of your dad first?
If you're dad truly didn't love you, you think he would have told you? He admitted he was wrong and apologized, and that's all he can do at this point. This sounds to me like you really view your dad as "one of those creepy middle aged guys who preys on girls your age. Remember, this 20 year old made the conscious decision of sleeping with your dad also.
Let me ask you this, would you be this angry and hurt if you're dad had had an affair with someone your mom's age? Believe it or not, I've been a pretty good kid. Straight A's heading to med school. Probably the worst thing I've done to them was crash his Mercedes at That's very different from having an affair. And I'd find it very creepy if someone my dad's age wanted to sleep with me. And yes I would be this angry and hurt.
Like I mentioned in the post. I only found out she was 20 today. I've known about the affair for a month. And I was angry and hurt the whole time. This just exacerbated my feelings. Your situation is tragic and awful but I am gonna call you out on your bullshit. Good kids fuck up too. As a straight A student myself, I did make minor mistakes and disappointed my mom. It is not okay what your father did. That doesn't make it okay.
This is more than a minor mistake, so I really do not understand the comparison here. Purposely hurting your loved ones is on a whole different level of "disappointment" that I don't even think it's worth bringing anything up. You're an exception to a rule and I shouldn't have assumed either way. Well it was hypothetical, and I did say that you would be attracted too because, you know, hypothetical situations aren't real.
My question is why did her age exacerbate things? What is the reason that her age makes this worse to you? I mean, just reading the context of everything you said, did you feel like he didn't love you when you first found out? Or after finding out the girl is your age? Let me tell you a little story about a friend of mine. We'll call him S. S thought his mom and dad had the perfect relationship: Good ole Christian people; went to church, contributed to the community, loved their son. One day he finds out that not only is his dad cheating, but so is his mom. He freaked out like this, because his whole world fell apart.
Yet, he picked himself by the bootstraps, swallowed his pride, and forgave the both of them. I'm gonna say this and if it hurts then I'm sorry. But you don't know the whole story.
My dad had an affair with a girl my age. : Advice
Even if you think you do, there's a huge chance you don't. Have you asked your mom why she thinks this happened? Did you ask your dad when he told you? Be angry at your dad, but don't write him off just because he fucked up. And I don't care how damaging this is to you right now, because everyone makes mistakes, and some are waaaay worse than an affair. Let him know you are disappointed, let him know you're disgusted. But if you keep thinking that he doesn't love you, you're just gonna dig a deeper and deeper hole of regret.
He was there for 20 years of your life still is too , and because one little indiscretion you think he doesn't love you? What if you cheated on your bf, your parents found out, and your dad thought you didn't love him anymore? That's just ridiculous right? I hated my father before I found out her age, and I said that in this before. And if he loved us, why would he do that? Obviously her age makes it hit even closer to home than it already is. Anyway, I don't understand how telling someone there problems don't matter is considered advice.. And when, when did I say your problems don't matter?
I'm saying you need to deal with why you're so angry before you can forgive your father. Do you read my whole post? When I said, "you want advice? So now instead of you being angry and wondering why he doesn't love you, it has turned into now you hating him? I really am, I tried making you think about everything rather than just your feelings to understand all of this.
That's obviously not what you want. What you want is someone to validate these emotions, and no one in this post is, yet we are. But you need to realize that all three of you are hurting, not just you. You cannot invalidate his feelings just because he hurt you, you are being completely unfair. My advice is to remember this, you may be angry now, you may hate him at this point in time. Just don't do anything that you are going to regret later.
Not to play devil's advocate- but men don't just stop being attracted to women in their prime age because they have a daughter. Being attracted and acting on it is different. Attracted to a 21 year old girl and actually sleeping with one when you're a married man with a daughter that age are different things. Yes but acting on it with a woman who is 21 and acting on it with a woman his own age are no different. While your father made a huge mistake, it's not worse just because of the age of the woman.
It is to me because it makes it worse than a "mistake" how he loves to call it. It's forgetting he was a father.
Life is going to be tough if you don't shut up and listen. I mean this sincerely in a non judgemental way. Just because he's a father doesn't mean that he isn't attracted to young women. By the way you describe it, he was a perfect father. Was he a good husband? No, but that doesn't mean that he didn't raise you, in the way you make it sound, perfectly.
You're angry, and that makes sense, but men don't stop producing testosterone simply because they had a daughter. I find this hilarious she is down voting everything she doesn't agree with. She's not looking for advice, she's looking for people to validate her feelings. Truth is, she's learning for the first time that parents are people too. Reality hit her in the face and she can't cope with the brunt of it all.
There's a lot of good supportive words in here that are getting squabbled at and rebuked because they don't align with her point of view. Your father loves you and his cheating had nothing to do with you, your age changes nothing. What does matter is that you feel wronged, which is a validated feeling.
You feel slighted and I get that. Keep this between you and your father. Forget what's her face, how old she is, and other bullshit that don't matter. Do you love your Dad?
Why does my dad date younger women? It's annoying me?
Pick up the pieces, show him you still love him, and move on. I'm sorry it's not the perfect world you thought it is but if you think this is tragic, you got a lot to learn. I find it hilarious that you're mocking someone who came on the internet for advice, and is clearly hurt. I didn't squabble at anything supportive, only the ones that were trying to tell me I don't have a right to be upset type of thing. And YOU don't have the right to tell me what her age changes or not because there are my feelings here, not yours. Why would showing my dad I love him help anything? I showed him I loved him for 21 years, and this is what he did.
That's sure as hell not showing he loves any of us.
This is tragic in my life, and telling me it's not is not advice. I came here for help, not be told my problems don't matter. Just because worse things could happen doesn't mean that what did happen doesn't matter. I think the problem is, just because your hurt doesn't mean it has much to do with you. Finding the subtle line is important here, as you're reacting like he's cheated on you. The girls age doesn't effect it, i get that it makes it seem closer to home as shes close to your age, but it doesn't mean he was doing anything to hurt you nor does it mean he was thinking of you or anything in this scenario.
Your dad did fuck up, i've been cheated on, feels like shit - I know - but the thing is I involved my friends who in this case are bystanders affected by the whole situation I. E YOU in this one and it just caused more pain etc. However, this in no way effects how he feels about you, think about it, in my situation her cheating on me doesn't mean she now hates my friends right? A bit convoluted but you get the point. Reread what I wrote, here, princess. There's advice there if you chose to see it.
I care enough about you and your situation to actually take time to give you the advice you need. My mother cheated on my father I even had my mother justify what she did to me. I was at work and she wrote me this long bullshit email about how the reason she fucked another man was because my dad wouldn't let her have another child. And God told her to get pregnant and who is she to go against God? She used divine intervention to justify what she did. I'm going to tell you right now I was hurt. Nobody is telling you not to be hurt Your dad did nothing to you. Grieve for your mother.
Grieve for your father but don't you for one single minute make this about you, because it isnt. But how dare me, right? How would I know? Because I've been there, princess.
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I've had my parent cheat on another parent and then had her justify it like she did nothing wrong. Your dad apologized to you and yet here you are You're making this about you when, in truth, it has nothing to do with you. This is advice should you grow up and hear it. This doesn't mean you don't have the right to be upset. This doesn't mean you don't have the right to cry. This isn't a fun time but you will only make things worse for yourself and your dad and mom by turning this into something it is not It's not your problem. The world does not center around you. You may ask yourself why I'm saying this.
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It's because I'm telling you not what you want to hear I wish the best for you, I truly do. Love isn't conditional you guppie. Your dad still loves you. I know more about your situation than you think. I wouldn't let a 16 year old date a 21 year old either, there's nothing good a 21 year old wants from you sweetheart. First of all a man who is 47 yrs. Have you ever thought you dad might be lonely, and that he wants company besides you as his daughter, and wants to have another adult hanging around?
Have you talked to your dad to tell you how you feel about all of this? He is the very first person you need to talk to since he is your closet relative, instead of coming on line,and asking. I'm not saying anything bad just that you should've went to your dad first, and just talk to him, he is their for you, you come first in his life if he really loves you. When your young the age difference seems to matter more but as you get older age is just a number.
I am 26 but would never date a man that old!
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He is going through his "Midlife crisis". Many men date younger women to make them feel more alive. It really doesn't matter how old the person is, though as long as they are happy. I have the feeling that you would not be happy with him dating anyone. You need to realize that parents have a right to be happy, and if dating a younger woman makes him happy leave him alone.
I am 15 years older than my step-daughter and her and my step-son have no problem with my age. Young women like older men too! The thing with you dating older guys is, he's just being over-protective and being a dad, he'll get over it when your 18 because he'll have no say then! Well I am 26 and have a 45 years old Husband, and we have a wonderful son. Age is just a number I didn't not know his age and he did not know mine when we first started to talk, I knew he was older and he knew I was younger. The connection is what really matters.
It probably makes your dad feel better about himself to date younger women. He must be a nice looking older man otherwise he wouldn't be getting all these young girls! Do you think someone will steal him away from you? Maybe the 28 year old is pretty or prettier than a woman that is Tell your dad that you don't like, but you should have better reasons before you approach him with your concerns.
I personally love older guys,and they usually tell me I make them feel younger. I just loved the feeling of throwing my ex guy a gold 50 party.. I just love older guys,its not their fault. Related Questions Older men dating younger women? My dad is dating a 22 year old!!? What is normal when dating a man with young children? My dad's new girlfriend is so annoying! Answer Questions Am i at the younger end. My birthday is in April 2nd so I'm one of the younger kids. What would you think of a set of parents favoring 2 of their children and the other 2 children getting cheated out of ie, gifts?
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