- How to Date a Stoner When You Don’t Smoke Weed
- It’s totally possible and sometimes totally awesome.
- is daily weed smoking normal or a sign of underlying issues? - marijuana drug use | Ask MetaFilter
- Weed has more to do with your love life than you think
I don't know what you should do next but I wanted to give you an outside perspective that supports your instinct that he may have a problem. He has told you why he smokes but for some reason you don't believe him? That would be where I would focus your attention. I smoke cannabis every day. I use it for chronic pain, stress, focus, creativity and for plain old enjoyment. If I had told my SO that and then they expressed concern if I smoked up one morning, I too would be surprised and a little hurt. When I smoke in the morning its because I hurt and smoking it makes me able to go about my day in much less pain and be more productive.
Just because this is an issue for you doesn't mean it is or should be an issue for him. If I didn't smoke cannabis every day I'd have to be taking more than one other medication and the side effect profiles of all the pain killers and mental health meds that would be appropriate are much scarier than any side effects that come from smoking weed. I'm guessing you've got a diagnosis, though smartypantz. If the SO here hasn't, yet he still needs daily pain relief, that would seem to be an issue that needs addressing first.
The idea that he's smoking for relief is otherwise somewhat worrying, because it seems to rule out the two main reassuring possibilties, namely that this is either a normal for the subculture he identifies with, or b just recreational and voluntary. Have you ever seen him run out, with no easy way to get more?
Does he say, well, better forget about the bong for a few days, and carry on, or does he devote himself to calling everyone he knows, trying to meet new dealers, etc? Just flat out no. Millions of people smoke pot every day recreationally, for no other reason than that they like it. There is research to show that anxiety disorders can cause headaches, though the headaches are most often migraines. But whatever, it really doesn't matter why he smokes pot if you don't like it. You are allowed to decide it's a dealbreaker.
I think you are trying to second guess this and overthink it.
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Some people just really like being stoned, you know? If it is just a problem within your head, caused by wrong social conditioning, then no need to mess things up with the other person, right? So start thinking about that What is the real nature of your hangup? It turns out his lover might actually be The Man, and has a mind to fuck up his business. Think about how huge a bummer that is, seriously. Echoing DarlingBri above , I wanted to chime in and add that antidepressants are often prescribed for the management of chronic migraines.
The fact that he's on antidepressants doesn't mean he's depressed or being treated for depression. Addiction self-tests which all treatment centers give to people do NOT ask what quantity of the drug that you use. They ask about the impact on your life of the drug use: You can find lots of addiction self tests online. I suggest you take 4 or 5 of them, and answer them as if you are your SO.
After taking a few of these tests, you will know if he has a REAL problem. I couldn't care less if people want to smoke pot, but I cannot help but think that if people need pot to be creative, unwind and have fun, there is something lacking in their motivation or skill sets. It's a crutch, not that there is anything wrong with it.
I would be turned off by it in my partner, it's just not my thing. You don't have to like or accept it but you may need to walk away if he isn't interested in changing his habit to a more comfortable situation for you. Headaches can be really tricky to diagnose - just to put that out there.
And the side-effects from migraine meds are non-trivial migraine meds have changed my life and luckily I experience few side effects, but I know someone who can't take them and still gets multi-day headaches. If your partner experiences chronic headaches if - this isn't clear from your question and he treats them by smoking a little every day assuming it's a little that seems reasonable. If my choice were the headaches I used to get versus smoking a little every day, it would be no contest. I would talk to him about this more. And ask about the headaches - what kind, how often, does he notice any triggers?
Migraine hadaches do seem to be wound up with anxiety and depression for a lot of people, but when I looked at the research it wasn't all all clear what the relationship was - brain goofiness causes both? Anxiety causes headaches in some brain way? Anxiety causes headaches through changing how people react to triggers like food or air pressure? Anxiety causes physical changes through tension leading to things like TMJ and thus headaches?
It wasn't at all clear that treating the anxiety via pills for example would also consistently clear up migraines, even where migraines were related to anxiety. If your boyfriend is smoking daily because of headaches, it might be worth it assuming insurance, etc to get a good work-up to try to identify the cause - but it might not be treatable in an obvious way.
Or it might but the expense and side effects might be significant. How does his habit affect you? Can you two not hold a conversation when he's high?
How to Date a Stoner When You Don’t Smoke Weed
Does it affect sexuals when he's high and the sex is worse? Does he drive a vehicle when he's high and you don't feel safe? These are what you should focus on because it's your only leverage. If his smoking doesn't affect him in everyday life, then the only problem is the cost and the smell.
It’s totally possible and sometimes totally awesome.
Substitute alcohol for pot. Do you feel better, worse or indifferent to it? Is the issue that it's pot, or is the issue that he's high all the time? If he used enough pot to help with pain, that's one thing. If he's getting high to sit around and stare at the walls, or check out of life in general, that's a whole OTHER thing, and one that would be concerning. Has he been to a doctor for a thorough check up?
Does his doctor know he is using pot in addition to other drugs? Pot is just another drug. It can be abused just like any other drug. So do you feel that the amount your SO is using is appropriate, or do you believe that he's abusing it? This is something that his medical team should help him evaluate. I'm assuming this is the same guy as in this question. I'm curious whether there was any sort of resolution or progress made on the issues that were troubling you a year ago.
Because the starting point for you needs to be not "what is causing the problem behavior? If the weed is causing problems for you or your relationship, then it STILL doesn't really matter why he's doing it. My husband was a daily pot smoker throughout his 20s, and then he switched to alcohol a couple years before we met--he drank every day, and increasingly heavily, in the first years of our relationship, until it got to the point where it was definitely a Problem for me.
The main problems being that when he was drinking he would spend most of his time tuned out in front of a screen and was completely demotivated to socialize with the family, friends, do his fair share of household responsibilities, etc. Did he use these substances as a way to deal with anxiety and manage his emotions?
Absolutely--and that is something that he's now working on in therapy.
is daily weed smoking normal or a sign of underlying issues? - marijuana drug use | Ask MetaFilter
But coming up with other ways to deal with anxiety and manage his emotions wasn't going to happen until the cost for dealing with them through substance use became greater than the benefit. It's possible that the marijuana is causing the headaches, or making them worse. Do his doctors know about his daily smoking habit?
He actually told you why he does it every day, but you didn't really like his answer.
It sounds like this guy is not a good match for you. What he is doing is not necessarily an indication that something is wrong with him - he might just be a pothead. If you don't want to date a pothead I would advise you not to date him. It doesn't even matter why he smokes so much. He fact that it bothers you and that he can't have a conversation with you about it without being defensive - those are the real problems here. You might again try to approach him to discuss it openly and honestly and in a loving way.
But first I would think carefully about what exactly bothers me and why it bugs me and why it is a dealbreaker for me. I would try to remove judgment from the equation, too. That should help you identify how to talk to him about this problem that you have together. I might try to attempt a longer answer later, but the focus thing makes me wonder if he or people in his family has ADHD-like symptoms.
When people ask me 'why? Medicating with pot allows me to function better in human society by alleviating social anxiety and a scattered brain. Oh, another quick hit regarding defensiveness: Of course he is defensive. All this dancing around the issue..
Weed has more to do with your love life than you think
He is a pothead, and no amount of rationalization will change that. So, the decision for you is if you want to be in a relationship with a pothead. Substitute booze for pot in this question, and people would be telling you to get yourself to Al-Anon. Pot's a bit of a different thing but it does seem like the habit is affecting you on a deep level and you're doing the kind of back-and-forth that people do with an addict in the family. So if finishing is a priority, inhaling might be too.
We looked at words that are more common among OkCupid users that are currently or used to smoke weed versus users who have never smoked weed, and found them to be strikingly stereotypical. A similar indication was found in our data. Okay, we learned a lot. Try not to blush:. If you fall in that latter camp, we suggest checking out our Spotify playlist for your bowl-packing pleasure. Written by Kelly Cooper. Illustrations and graphics by Hanna Kim. Do you hate weed because it gives you mad anxiety? Or it makes you cough? Maybe that conversation with your stoney lover might help you understand why they love it.
In turn, they might really get why you hate it.
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Understanding is a big part of a happy relationship, right? But, if at any point their cannabis use becomes what you view as a problem, speak up!