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Aping what he calls "classic Elvis" a. Even if you ain't got big chips, there are places -- especially in Scottsdale -- where it will behoove you to act as if you do, and the J Bar is one of them. This super-slinky waterin' hole packs in the booful people on peak nights Thursdays through Saturdays, and the high-class chicas therein can smell a scrub coming from a mile away.

So let us school you on how to act like you're a playa, even if your ride is a Hyundai. You gotta be cocky, and a little snooty.

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Turn up your nose at the finest-lookin' ho's in the room; after all, it's their job to get next to you. As far as garb goes, tinted glasses are mandatory, and shabby chic always works. Wear your best shiny shirt right out of the package with a pair of your most raggedy jeans. This tells the ladies that you're rockin' so much dolo that you can afford to be lazy.

Don't wash your hair for a day, then mousse it all up into spikes. And stop by the men's counter at a department store to spray on a sample of its most expensive cologne. Finally, if you don't have a gold card to throw out at the bartender, prepare a thick cash roll of mostly ones with two C-notes on top. You'll only break the first one, but the bitches' eyes will pop when they see you break out that wad.

Then nurse one, maybe two martinis with your wing man and wait for the honeys to beat a path to your studliness. Okay, so you're no Marilyn Monroe. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve a little wind up your skirt once in a while, honey. Casino Arizona -- and we're not talking about that big tent off Indian Bend Road, we mean the nice building farther south on the -- has six lounges, three restaurants, keno, 50 blackjack tables and almost 1, slots and we hear pai gow poker could be on the way.

Best Places Meet Single Men Women Phoenix Scottsdale Tempe | Phoenix New Times

The thing we like best about Casino Arizona is the air-conditioning system that blows from the ground up, dispersing cigarette smoke and, as a side bonus, sending a breeze your way, if you know what we mean. Settle down, big spender. Just because the bank account is down for the count and the casino has already cut up your Visa , don't go home just yet. You need cash in a flash -- but wanna avoid turning tricks in the parking lot -- so head for one of ZLB's two locations. Presuming you're drug- and disease-free, have strong veins in each arm, lack any recent tattoos or piercings, and can keep quiet about all your illicit trysts, you'll be getting some blood money.

Forget about a repeat bloodletting feat, though, as every plasma bank in the Valley has a hour recovery period, cross-donating is verboten, and you can only get pricked twice in a seven-day period. Everyone worships the good Lord in his or her own way. On Fridays, Muslims hit the mosque, and on Saturdays, Jews go a-synagoguing. Christians of many denominations make Sunday their day of prayer, and we fall into this category, although our chapel, if you will, is Shepherd's Nite Club, where communion is in the form of a Jack 'n' Coke, and baptism is referred to as "Super Soak-Her," a wet-tee-shirt contest like no other in our Valley of the Sin, uh, we mean, Sun.

Here hot amateur gals and some off-duty pros get nearly nekkid for Jehovah, allowing gallons of very cold H2O to be poured all over their skimpy tops and thongs. That's when the Holy Ghost takes control, inspiring these heavenly honeys to crawl all over the men in the congregation, and minister to them in a religious fervor known to perform miracles such as raising the dead and making the blind see!

Indeed, we like to think if Jesus comes again, he'll mosey on over to Shepherd's for a cocktail and gander at all this piety on display. After all, there's no cover, and it beats Bible study, that's for damn sure. After you've rolled the dice or pulled the slot machine handle one too many times -- and you're ready to quit while you're ahead -- ease those aching limbs over to Aji, part of the resort adjacent to Gila River Casino at Wild Horse Pass.

The 17,square-foot spa oozes serenity, from the sleek details of the Native American decor to the sweet, warm fragrance radiating from melted wax diffusers. There's a salon, a fitness room that's as state-of-the-art as it gets each treadmill and cycle has its own flat-screen TV and tiny DVD player , a pristine outdoor pool just beyond the glass doors, and 17 treatment rooms where you can indulge in all the pampering you can handle.

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Don't have an account yet? Get the most out of your experience with a personalized all-access pass to everything local on events, music, restaurants, news and more. From lawyers and college students to artists and professors, metro Phoenix is home to all walks of life. Here are a few hints. Wall to wall, this bar is filled with retro video games like Galaga, Rampage, and Mortal Combat. The usual crowd is a wide range of somethings from professional skateboarders to professors. You're bound to meet at least one interesting person.

The cozy vibe of the patio makes it easy to chat up fellow bar patrons. The laid-back vibe and communal seating make it a perfect spot to grab a beer and strike up a convo with a band-T-shirt-clad stranger. Casey's offers good music, local beer, and a huge outdoor patio that tends to be packed five nights out of the week. The answer's one part coffee, one part alcohol, and two parts communal seating. Like a bar, this Central Phoenix coffee shop obligates people to sit with strangers. But unlike your average drinking hole, it's more socially acceptable to sit by yourself for extended periods of time without looking like a weirdo.

With plenty of outdoor activities like ping-pong and cornhole, as well as bar and restaurant options, you and your potential date can extend — or trim — the evening as you see fit. Head out on the highway? Looking for your dentures, more likely. If you haven't already noticed, the median age for the heavy-metal thunder-riding Harleys these days is about 56, and it's the guys who stayed in med school in the '60s instead of pursuing personal freedom and white-line fever across America.

So it's to be expected that this motorcycle clique making up for lost time makes its hedonistic home a chic, relatively new bar in the heart of Old Town Scottsdale, wearing more leather apparel than most wanna-be punks half their age. Despite the metal and marble bar's proximity to the Easyriders Tattoo Parlor, most of the marked men who come in for a drink are under the age of 29 and are too smarting from being under the needle to spike the "Born to Be Mild" set.

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But don't you make the mistake of writing off these geezers as two tires short of a wheelchair -- they're old enough to remember how to have a good time; they punch up mostly agreeable dinosaur rock selections on the corner "Jukebox-zilla," as it is affectionately known; they drink responsibly; and on Thursday ladies' nights, they usually have a fortysomething hottie in tow. Can your old man pull off any of this without getting clocked in the head with a fryer by your Mom? Nah, didn't think so. What shall it be tonight?


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This is one devil we really want to dance with. This is your cue to make a break to Kolbys Corner Pocket. Forget about those rinky-dink matchbox tables you have to pop quarters into. At Kolbys, you rent by the hour, which makes it a great destination for a group outing of wholesome fun. This place is serious about its pool and so are its patrons.


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There won't be some wayward drinker disrupting that crucial shot at the eight ball. Find the angle, line it up and sink into Kolbys Corner Pocket. There's only one place in the Valley to find and enjoy a truly great smoke -- Goodfella's. The recently opened lounge has two buildings in which to relax. There is also a flat-screen TV and parlor sofas. If you smoke up an appetite, grab a sandwich from the deli.

There's a salon fully equipped with a pool table, dart room, plush leather couches, a conference room and more. Members receive discounts on cigars and special events like televised fights. The real flavor to this place is here, in an atmosphere that allows you to enjoy your tobacco with other like-minded individuals. Is there a place that meets these requirements: Only one place in the Valley can serve up these requirements and keep them coming -- Amsterdam.

Enjoy martinis and a manicure on Mondays or just come every day of the week for an abundance of eye candy. Is it a coincidence that this ultra-hip bar is named after the unofficial gay capital of the world? We don't think so. No gyrating belly dancers, no velvet couches.