- 9 of the best dating shows in British TV history | WOW
- 1. Blind Date
- 9 of the best dating shows in British TV history
9 of the best dating shows in British TV history | WOW
Chances of catching an STI: After weeks of battering you right in your weakest spots, you are magically much less of a twat, so pick up somebody in a bar and go on a dinner date with them while the team spies on you from a van parked outside. For months afterwards, you're convinced a van is following you. Chance of getting laid: Chances of eventually having to change your phone number because Jeremy keeps calling asking if he can crash on your sofa: You are a woman who prides herself on her unerring gaydar, so you agree to live on a Mexican ranch with a dozen men, half of whom are hiding the fact that they are gay.
The gay contestants therefore have twice as much financial incentive to deceive you into loving them, so you do. Then you're left impoverished and heartbroken, with only host June Sarpong for company. Do dinner dates help you get laid? The way to your heart is through your stomach.
1. Blind Date
For the next three nights you go to a stranger's house and try to get to know them whilst they burn steaks and flap at the smoke alarm. At the end of the ordeal, of course you choose the nicest person rather than the best cook, so the dinner is actually redundant. But this is one of the few dating shows you can go on if you're older than 25, so you don't complain. You defer the choice of your true love to a panel containing a 'relationship expert' and two of your family or friends.
9 of the best dating shows in British TV history
Do NOT choose your ex to be on the panel. Someone did, and learnt the hard way that the emotional wounds were still suppurating. The panel filter a coach load of singles with X Factor-style auditions: Then the panel root through the shortlisted singletons' homes for incriminating evidence such as dirty underpants; if they survive that, and haven't committed many previous relationship transgressions, they move in with you.
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Indeed, why bother with fun footloose dating when you can just fast-track to the point in the relationship where you argue about washing up? Then, if the contender complains too much during couply activities such as camping trips and cooking tuna pasta for your mates, the panel will replace them with another one.
Chances of success if you defer all your major life choices to a panel: Enter presenter Louise Roe, who is so tall and glamorous that even Gisele Bundchen would feel dumpy standing next to her; and yet, under her firm but kindly tutelage, you begin to blossom. You learn to chat up men in supermarkets. You confront your phobias, by going skydiving or plunging your hand into a bucket of creepy-crawlies, and are rewarded with a makeover - ta da! Not you, with your new-found confidence and ability to plunge your hand into a bucket of creepy-crawlies!
You are either a rich person seeking a gold-digger or a gold-digger seeking a rich person. You have a high level of tolerance for being screamed at by the Millionaire Matchmaker , Patti Stanger, because Patti hates: So you go on a date in a private helicopter to an exotic beach and drink champagne. Chances of getting married: You're strolling around town when you're accosted by Davina McCall and a camera crew.
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After a grilling from Davina which establishes you are single and horny, you spend the afternoon trawling the crowds for someone you fancy - a bit like a real life Tinder. Skunk-striped hair is pan-gender. The date is so boozy, you temporarily forget that choosing someone on looks alone doesn't mean you'll hit it off.
All you want in life' is to hear Our Graham announce your name as you walk on set. If you have to choose one of three strangers only by asking them banal questions to which they respond in tortuous wordplay, so be it. You make your choice.
You arrange your face into an expression which you hope won't betray either disappointment or arousal when a backstage minion cranks away the screen to reveal Jonny is given five menus, each put together by a potential blind date. Lauren is given five menus, each put together by a potential blind date.
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Joe is given five menus, each put together by a potential blind date. Muggy Mike T chooses three people to date based on the menus he most likes the look of. Reality star Jordan Davies chooses three dates from five menus. Jon Lee, formerly of S Club 7, is given five menus, each put together by a blind date. Festive edition of the culinary dating series. Jordan from Kent chooses three dates. So Solid Crew's Romeo Dunn chooses three ladies to date based on their menus. Skip to main navigation Skip to main content Skip to footer.