Dating your counselor

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  1. Why You Shouldn't Date Me Or Any Other Therapists | Pinnacle Of Man™
  2. Why You Shouldn’t Date Me Or Any Other Therapists
  3. Can My Therapist Also Be My Friend?

Because therapists share a unique therapeutic bond with that person , it has the potential to harm the patient if a new type of relationship is transposed on top of it later on. While different professional ethics vary on this topic, most therapists seek to avoid any kind of relationship — whether it be a friendship, romantic interest or business partnership — with an ex-patient. Your therapist is seeing someone else in your family, a close friend, or has a close relationship with one of those people.

Unless the therapist is specifically doing family, child or couples counseling, most therapists try to avoid seeing people who know one another in a close or intimate manner. Doing so can cause all sorts of troublesome problems for both the therapist and the patient, as the therapist will hold secrets about the two parties that they may have a hard time not inadvertently divulging.

This can be especially difficult if you were first seeing a therapist and recommended the therapist to a close friend or family member. The therapist ends therapy with you and starts with a new patient, who is your friend or family member. The therapist may not agree to see you again while they are seeing this other person. It may not seem fair, but therapists may do this in order to keep their boundaries well-defined and avoid conflicts of interest.

You have a personality trait, physical trait, or component of your history that the therapist chooses not to work with. It could be as something as simple as body odor, or as complex as you remind them of their mother.


  1. Why Your Therapist Can't Be Your Friend;
  2. How Our Helpline Works.
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  4. Can Psychologists Date Patients or Former Patients?.
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Therapists will probably not share with you the specific issue that prevents them from working with you. Some feel ineffective working with certain types of people or those with certain kinds of problems. I know therapists, for instance, who refuse to see anyone with a personality disorder, because of the complications it can bring to treatment. A therapist may just not feel safe around a certain type of client, or clients who have certain types of concerns. This may feel like they are not being fair to you, or that they should take on past clients no matter what.

Why You Shouldn't Date Me Or Any Other Therapists | Pinnacle Of Man™

But therapists sometimes have to make a decision about who to see, and whether the person will benefit from additional psychotherapy. While most therapists will gladly open their doors to see an ex-patient again, not all will. This entry was inspired by Dr. Dombeck and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service. Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.

That work can be painful, and sometimes it can feel like doing the work is harder than just enduring the problems that have driven you into therapy. A good therapist will spend a good part of the first or second session going through a process called informed consent, during which the nature of the therapy setting and some of the risks of participating in therapy are explained. However, it is one thing to talk about these things and another to experience them emotionally.

Furious That My Therapist Didn't Warn Me About Erotic Transference

Most of the time it is a non-issue, for one thing. Let me explain this a little because this is not because the therapist is trying to be cruel.

Why You Shouldn’t Date Me Or Any Other Therapists

When you develop a crush or a transference on your therapist what you are doing is acting out a wish or fantasy about a perfect love and what that might be like. This is good because that fantasy then becomes available for therapeutic discussion and the hungers that drive the crush can be talked about and potentially defused or redirected in a more conscious and able-to-be-satisfied manner. It is always good to give informed consent. You probably already know this intellectually at least, but it is worth discussing anyway.

A therapist only appears to be an ideal lover. This is because of how the therapist does her job by focusing all of her attention towards her patient without disclosing any of her own personal difficulties. I want to emphasize that the purpose of this nurturing therapeutic energy and presence is not to deceive anyone or seduce them but simply to facilitate the therapy process. The same nurturing behavior that causes the risk of a crush also helps people to relax their guard and allow themselves to talk about what is bothering them, confident that they will be taken seriously and that their safety will be respected and preserved.

It is probably not possible to facilitate the one without risking the other. I get it that you are angry at your therapist and at the therapy profession for not warning you better.

Can My Therapist Also Be My Friend?

I also think that blaming your therapist is only half of what has happened here. The feelings that are happening are your feelings. They were not put into your head and heart by your therapist, but rather occurred spontaneously as you got to know your therapist.


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  • To deny your role in this crush occurring is to only see half the story. It would suggest to me that you are seeing yourself at the mercy of external forces you cannot control which fits actually quite well with your abuse history. Though the crush is painful, it also provides a vehicle for you to explore this feeling of being a victim of external forces, which itself may be a transference. It was the case in your past, but it is not the case now with your therapist.

    5 Signs You Are Seeing a BAD Therapist! psychology & mental health with Kati Morton