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For example, we may need to contact all the gay men, or members living in the Midlands, or visually impaired members, to invite them to an event or give them some special news. Our members prefer honesty and openness. Whatever you allow others to see, be sure to give some indication of your geographical location. Please answer all the questions, as we want to learn about you and the difficulties you are having. Please tell us as much about yourself as possible, being assured none of what you say here will be passed on.
Welcome to the Outsiders Club! There are basically three steps to joining: Agree to Our Rules All members shall: This is a self-help group 6 Study our Resources on the main website to improve your chances of forming relationships 7 Confidence comes from experience, and success does not always come overnight.
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Call one of our helplines for completely confidential advice 10 We know that many disabled people put up with unequal and abusive relationships with parents, staff, friends and lovers, and we ask that members do not suffer in silence, but use our confidential self-help network to take control and improve your life 11 Try to get involved. Becoming more pro-active will increase your chances of finding love 12 Meet people for the first time in a public place perhaps at an Outsiders lunch , not at home. Do not borrow from or lend money or valuables to another member before becoming a known and trusted friend 13 The volunteers who run this site have signed a Confidentiality Form, so your secrets are safe with us.
Outsiders can help with more personal issues, such as: They need to understand your privacy requirements, as well as what specific kinds of personal help you require. You may need them to help with toileting, but they must never help with your sexual needs unless you simply need help positioning a sex toy, putting a condom on, or positioning your body. Getting involved sexually is crossing the boundaries into abuse.
Many disabled people find that one of their PAs tends to become the most suitable for social events compared to the others; and you can work out timetables to suit — although they may not be happy always being the one to work on Saturday nights. PAs tend to be young and gorgeous, and can be quite a distraction for people you are hoping to date.
Tell the PA to go away and leave you alone. Spending a lot of time with your PAs can lead to them getting on your nerves. You might get a crush on one of them. Ocassionally, like in any other place of work, love blossoms. Keep all PAs on a professional basis.
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Making real friendships is always risky, precarious and can be quite unpredictable. Some are totally unreliable but have other qualities you enjoy and others may be great because they know loads of people and provide a wide social network.
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The important thing is that you provide as much input into your friendship as they do. So treat your friends respectfully and be generous with them. If you are unreliable, perhaps because you have fatigue and cannot always do what you planned, make sure you explain that in advance, and try to let them know if you can no longer make it to an appointment. There will be times when you feel lonely. If it gets really bad, like getting panic attacks, tell a friend that this happens sometimes, and ask whether they would mind if you phoned them.
Join Outsiders and you never feel lonely again! The best way to enjoy the single lifestyle is to surround yourself with lots of single people. As soon as one friend finds a partner, find another who is single. Be open about your dating needs, instead of secret. Have a laugh about your disastrous dates, with people who understand.
Married friends with babies tend to want to talk about nappies, or just want you as a baby sitter, which is OK one day a month but not more. Families are OK but they want to talk about family gossip, rather than what your latest is like in bed.
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That way, you can share tips and support each other when needs be. Outsiders is good for that. Going out to meet people is sometimes difficult for people with disabilities, especially if you are visually impaired and cannot make eye contact. Extroverts fair better than introverts, and people with pretty faces do best of all. Pubs are usually not good places, for some reason. Special interest clubs are much easier, and it is best to choose one which will have a selection of the kind of single people you want to meet.
For example, a photography group might have plenty of men and few women, whereas a dancing group, or a group interested in historic buildings, will have plenty of women. Fetish clubs have always traditionally been welcoming to disabled people.