Idealization reunions and stability in long-distance dating relationships


  1. What is a Long Distance Marriage?
  2. Long-Distance Warps Our Perceptions of Romantic Partners
  3. Tips to Fix Problems in a Long Distance Relationship
  4. Long-Distance Warps Our Perceptions of Romantic Partners – Not Not Communicating by Michael Rabby
  5. The purpose

What is a Long Distance Marriage?

Whether the separation is necessary because of different college choices, a summer abroad or a family move, long-distance relationships can be daunting. On top of processing the natural challenges of geographically close relationships, you face those obstacles unique to sweethearts separated by a significant distance. By understanding typical complications, and their fixes, you can safeguard your relationship, giving it the chance to develop into something even more satisfying.

Studies have found that those in long-distance relationships can experience greater stability than those in physically close ones. However, this tends to only hold true as long as the long-distance couple remains separated, according to Laura Stafford and Andy J. To solve this dilemma, try to keep up with face-to-face visits so you and your sweetheart stay accustomed to getting along in person.

Long-Distance Warps Our Perceptions of Romantic Partners

In geographically close relationships, participants are seen together around campus and often hang out together with friends. In long-distance relationships, these aspects of social recognition vanish. A study of college students in long-distance relationships found that women adjusted better to both the initial separation and the eventual breakup. Meanwhile, men who were broken up with were the most distressed, compared to women who were broken up with or men who initiated their breakup.

A study by University of Denver psychologists followed young people in the U. Compared to people who lived close to their significant other, people in long-distance relationships were more likely to perceive that they would still be dating a year later, and that they would one day marry that partner. One-fifth of them had broken up—about the same as the individuals who were dating someone close to home. A study of students at Ohio State University found that a full third of long-distance relationships end within three months of reuniting in the same city.

This is where couples stay together out of obligation but gain no satisfaction or joy from the marriage [v]. So working on sources of stress and conflict is especially important in LDRs to avoid this state of seeing the marriage as a burden. Would you say that a long-distance relationship is more, or less, likely to break up than one where the couple see each other every day? Interestingly, some research shows that LDRs are actually more stable than geographically close relationships GCRs [vi].

Part of this is because distant couples tend to idealize each other and their relationship: The geographically distant spouse may idealize his or her spouse because it protects from feeling uncertain about the marriage.

Tips to Fix Problems in a Long Distance Relationship

Holding the marriage in very high regard, perhaps even unrealistically so, motivates you to stay in it and guards against infidelity. Because of this effect of having your bubble burst when you reunite, LDRs often become less stable when they come back into close proximity [vii]. So balance is important.

Before we start talking about what you should do in a LDR, we want to tell you about a guide that we have to go with this episode, specifically dealing with LDR challenges.

Long-Distance Warps Our Perceptions of Romantic Partners – Not Not Communicating by Michael Rabby

This guide takes you through several aspects of your marriage relationship in detail and gives you ideas and things to discuss with your spouse so that you can really make the most out of a difficult situation. If you are in a LDR you need to get this guide. This is already available to all of our supporters on who help keep this show going from week to week.

If you would like to get this and access to the 50 or more other resources we have created to help marriages, all you need to do is become a patron of The Marriage Podcast for Smart People. Physical distance is just one thing that can create uncertainty about the future or stability of your marriage.

Long Distance Relationship Meeting For The First Time Compilation May 2017

Now, if you both have chosen to do this long distance thing then you cannot change that at the moment. So when physical distance is high you can reduce uncertainty with the relationship by compensating in the other areas [viii]. Those behaviors are critical to the success of your marriage in this situation and that is why we carefully go through them in the bonus guide that we have made available to our Patreon supporters.

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  • What Science Has to Say About Long-Distance Relationships;
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For example, planning your next visit home to give yourselves something to look forward to, or even using the increased sense of autonomy for personal growth [ix]. You may have more spare time: Make your time together count.

The purpose

Plan your weekends or visits together so that you get maximum enjoyment out of them, and allow space for showing affection and reaffirming your bond [x]. We looked at creating purpose and meaning in marriage in a recent episode, where couples find their joint sense of identity and meaning in life through the way they relate to each other and their shared history. Couples often find their sense of joint meaning through regular interaction about the day to day details of life [xi]. So long distance couples should talk to each other about the mundane stuff as well as the big important matters.

This helps you stay connected at the ground level: It also lets your spouse really see into your daily life and brings them into your world.