- How to distinguish yourself in the world of online dating
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On your online dating profile searches, have there been some memorable statements or jokes?atlantic.cerebralgardens.com/desorden-bipolar-guia-practica.php
How to distinguish yourself in the world of online dating
Share with us in the comments section below. The entire interview transcript is at: Listen to the entire interview on: Listen to the entire interview on Blog Talk Radio: Listen to the entire interview on iTunes. Click here to cancel reply. Dale Koppel Online Dating Profile: Use Humor Yes, I can. I like to use the example where everyone says they have a sense of humor.
To fix your attention on something that usually happens automatically like blinking or being yourself will mess that automatic process up, simply because the brain is not designed to consciously help with that. The effort gets in the way.
This is why we often make clumsy mistakes that would never happen otherwise when we feel nervous. You automatically already know how to "just be yourself," but if you make a conscious project out of it, you're outsourcing the job in a way that won't actually help you perform it better. Don't get in the way of automatic skills like using your hands, constructing sentences and making eye contact.
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Instead, trust your ability do so without thinking about it. You do this perfectly in every other situation, and the only reason it might feel a little stiff on a date is because the situation feels new to you. The more dates you go on, the more comfortable you will become.
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Most of us aren't aware of the cognitive "flaw" described above, so we keep trying to monitor ourselves, even when it's counterproductive. This creates a huge downward spiral -- when it doesn't work, we try harder still to keep ourselves in order, which makes us even more self-conscious, self-absorbed and awkward. Every time someone tells us to "just be ourselves," we will try it all over again -- and fail, because that's simply not how the mind works. If you find yourself in this spiral, acknowledge it and accept that you are nervous and that that's not something you can or should "fix.
In fact, the more OK you are with being nervous, the less nervous you will feel. But if you try to fight it, it will get worse.
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When a friend tells you to "just be yourself," they probably don't know what you are like on a date. Even if you are the most awesome, relaxed, charming, smart and funny version of yourself with your friends, maybe that's not how you are on a date! When we get nervous, self-conscious or afraid of being hurt dating is a vulnerable thing! This includes self-sabotaging patterns like becoming uncharmingly cocky, holding ourselves back in a way we never would with friends or putting on a mask and trying to be liked instead of focusing on finding out if we like the other person.
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